February 14, 2012

Full of thoughts lately about what I am doing and what is lacking in my life! Sometimes I think I focus on the things I’m not doing and it seems as if that makes my shortcomings far outweigh all the good things that I am doing!

As I look at the opportunities that are coming my way, I am really trying to stay positive in my life. It seems as if Daren and I have been having some real struggles. I have felt the weight of Daren’s job on him and also some of my responsibilities weighing me down. I want to push through this “dark” period yet it is difficult. I question: “Will there really be a light at the end of the tunnel?” I mean, “Will I see the blessings that I am wanting as I try to seek the Lord’s strength?” I hope so! I have HOPE! I have a growing FAITH! I feel like I do this alone. I bring that on myself! I think this journey—life—is somewhat done ALONE! I am have a hard time relying or asking for help.

Perhaps what I am expecting is that by some miracle I will find a “money tree” in the backyard and all of the time and effort that Daren puts into his job will be compensated for. I know that is not going to be the case. I was born into a wonderful middle class family! I know this lifestyle best. I like to run with a crowd that has the money and the taste for finer things! I let my perspective of life and what I should be achieving and what I can afford get away from me. REALITY CHECK! Daren and I are teachers. We value the time we have with our family and we love being able to travel and show the world to our children through our knowledge. We won’t ever be rich! Let’s say that again, “We won’t ever be rich!” We will be rich in time and relationships. We give of ourselves. That is what we have to offer.

On this Valentine’s Day of 2012 as I think of the wonderful relationships I have with my husband and with my children, I feel blessed. I feel the Lord is blessing me through what I learn from them. I love Daren’s family. I love my family. I miss my father! But as I move forward, trying to do all that is required, I hope that I can come back to this post and realize how blessed I am! I truly am!